Dear Willpower, You Lose. Love, Sugar

So you’re kicking me out? Just like that? After all these years?

Well that just hurts my feelings.

I’ve been there for you every single time. I cheer you up when you’re overwhelmed and confused. I’m your joy when the world turns against you. And now I’m tossed aside like yesterday’s trash.

No. I refuse to accept this and I am not taking this lightly. Consider yourself warned.

I will be here to haunt you every single day.  I’ll be waiting for you at the coffee shop, at the grocery store, at playdates, and even at the farmers market. You’ll glaze over my name in restaurant menus and I will enjoy the pathetic look on your face as you watch your friends take pleasure in my company. I hope their smiles and moans of delight make your heart sink to the bottom of the Pacific Ocean.

I’ll kick things up a notch for the barbecues and weddings and get-togethers, where I’ll be on display for hours watching your subtle glances  in my direction. Unfortunately I won’t have the good fortune of witnessing you in all of your irritable glory when you return home from your party, cranky and mad at the world because you spent the last two hours of your life resisting me, when you could have just indulged and spared yourself the mental agony.

The irony is that you think you won. You think you’re totally strong and uber healthy having overcome such a feat but you’re not. I broke you down. I wore you out. I made you weak.

I want you to know (only because I care) that you’re fighting a courageous battle, albeit a losing one. But hats off to you for trying. Unfortunately, you’re no match for me. Not you, your environment, your support system and not even time, will beat me.

But I’ll enjoy watching you try.